Old Tiffinians Football Club

(“OTFC” or “The Club”)

Annual Report and Consolidated Generalised Statements

(Partly factual, wholly fictional)

Signed, Sealed, Delivered: 20 May 2017





Strategic Report

To: The Past and Present Members of Old Tiffinians Football Club

From: The Chairman

Re: Annual Strategic Report 2016/17 Edition

Date: 20 May 2017


Chairman’s Statement

Dear Supporter

This has been a season when our teams have taken to the pitch and reminded us all why we love this game and why we love our Club.

After more than 70 years of land acquisition and two years of careful planning, we finally have the permissions we need to realise our vision of delivering one of the finest sporting venues in Elmbridge. We are currently progressing our plans for the TDP  Project and will share details for the coming seasons with you as soon as we have final clarification.

We are building what we believe to be the foundations, literally and metaphorically, for the future of our beloved Club. As we move forward we know we shall face challenges and we shall often ask you to support us through these – financially, through fundraising events and sponsorship; physically, through applying a lick of paint here or there; and mentally, through another pub quiz social.

Emergency work will soon commence on the TDP which will provide our members with an exceptionally average level of comfort and recovery (before and after matches). This will take around six months to complete and should tie us over for the next couple of seasons as we look to complete our work on redesigning and rebuilding the TDP completely.

Our players are our most important assets and this unique and high quality environment will allow us to further improve the care, attention and beer our players receive. Our days have never been busier and we have no intention of lying down (with the exception of Dave Harry about ten minutes after kick-off on a Saturday afternoon). Some days it feels, with projects of this magnitude, that our battles are off the pitch as well as on. We intend to approach all these battles with sheer determination to deliver the very best for our Club.

Our congratulations go to Old Meadonians on winning the title. A wonderful achievement and a reminder why the Amateur Football Combination is the most average league in the world. At times, our football has been simply sublime. At other times, it has just been average.

A standout feature of this season has been the unity between our teams. The socials have been immense and even when results have not gone our way on the pitch, we have never allowed our heads to drop off the pitch. Except circa 3am when the Pryzm dance floor could no longer prop Tom Scott up.

I firmly believe that this is a season when so much has come together.

Enjoy the summer off and more importantly enjoy the epic cultural overload of Budapest 2017. We look forward to welcoming you back to a warmer, drier, more comfortable Grist’s Memorial Ground. The home of Old Tiffinians Football Club.

Our Club.

Best wishes to you and your families.



Season Review

What went right?

We played football. We played a lot of football in fact. Thanks partly to the mild weather, but also thanks to the commitment and organisation of all our volunteers (skippers, vice-skippers, Fixture Secretary, Treasurer and board members to name but a few). Without their hard work and dedication all year round, we would not be the club we are today. Thank you.

Grist’s has rocked this season. Tim Robini’s support has been immense and I know it has made a difference – to the bar sales at least, if not to the results. There is always next season when it comes to results. We are constantly looking to improve and grow our club, but success cannot be achieved on assets and financing alone. It will take the teamwork of us all – fans, players, coaches, directors, staff – this is THE Club – and I want to thank each and every one of you for your support as we enter the biggest period of change in the Club’s recent history when we start the demolition of the TDP at a completely unknown date in the future.

We are growing – we have outgrown our current clubhouse and we are building a wonderful new home right here. We are not moving. Our new home will slowly embrace and engulf the old one. We are determined that it will be a worthy successor to the TDP and a fitting stage for our current and future great teams.

All five of our teams avoided relegation again, which is an achievement in itself. That is about all we need to say about the results, but to help improve the assets of the club we made a number of investments this season, summarised as follows:


Transfers In (Good business / assets gained):

James Evans – 1s

Kuldeep Grewal – 1s (Free Transfer)

Danny Leach – 1s

Stephen Leung – 1s

Rory Sadler – 1s

Mike Smith – 1s


Tom Barquin – 2s

Ben Lamble – 2s (Free Transfer)

Benedikt Langer – 2s

Dan Rose – 2s (Free Transfer)

Josh Rose – 2s


Ben Jefferies – 3s

Ben Lewis – 3s

Dom Lundie – 3s (Free Transfer)

Ollie Moodley – 3s

Tom Whitehead-Clarke – 3s

Resan Santhakumar – 3s (Free Transfer)

Petr Vanduch – 3s


Stephen Dwyer – 4s

Jeremy Eggar – 4s

Ed Lambourn – 4s

Dan Peake – 4s


Matt Seabrook – Vets


What went wrong?

We didn’t win any trophies. Enough said about that, but this could be explained by the write-down in the following assets, thereby transforming them into complete liabilities:


Transfers Out (Bad business / liabilities):

Gary Brant

Aaron Langford (On Loan)

Mike Lutz (On Holiday)

Jamie Rossi

Jon Hickman

Aidan Smith (On Loan)

Ted Wightwick (Retired Hurt)


Season Statistical Analysis.:

AFA Marks


The social side of our wonderful club has seen a number of big club gatherings as well as an increased offering at team level. Post match pints are commonplace, end of month socials have been sporadic, but enthusiastic, and team sponsor Joy Indian, Surbiton, has hosted both a Christmas tikka for 30 and an End of Season jalfrezi for 45. If you weren’t there, you missed out.

As we gear up for our End of Season awards ceremony where we expect two thirds of the playing section (some 60 players), we hark back to the heroic efforts of our various fines committees. This season has seen the most impressive fines haul in OTFC history. This vital activity funds so many of our pints and so much of our merriment. Thank you Jimmy, Tom, Joe, GG and Conrad for some of the most inventive fundraising moments of our season.


Financial Review


Match Day Sales (Cash paid in by teams):

  • At first glance, generally a good, even wagon wheel.

Season Ticket Sales (Registration fees paid in by teams):

  • Also appears to be generally a good, even wagon wheel.

Sponsorship Sales (Cash generated by each team in the form of sponsorship):

  • Room for improvement here.
  • 1s, 3s and 4s can all follow the examples set by the 2s and Vets.
  • Please reach out at every possible opportunity to help broaden and strengthen our sponsorship partnerships.
  • Key to reducing match day costs and registration fees.

Total Income Generated (net complete liabilities):

  • Auditor’s note: This helps explain the board’s decision to cancel training over the course of the summer.
  • 50 weeks training x £50 costs = £2,500 out per year.
  • Total income from Training = £996
  • Total loss = £1,504 per year.
  • Treasurer’s verdict: Training is unsustainable out of season, unless we can generate more income or reduce the costs of training. Please get in touch if you have any suggestions.

Notes to the Accountants: