OTFC vs Fulham Compton Old Boys
Saturday 24th October 2026

The light repetitively flickered in the bathroom, as Kimber stared into the mirror. He ran a hand along the side of his stubble, and sighed with discontent.

He looked tired. Old. Haggard.

11 years in the fabled purple-and-white could do that to a man.

(editor’s note – or a woman? We now have several successful women’s teams that we are proud to represent)

Sleep had been a problem since Kimber and Matt took over the co-captaincy. It was supposed to be simple – a continuation of disgraced club legend Forsyth’s legacy… But safe to say it hadn’t started that way.

4 games, 4 losses, 16 goals conceded. Rock bottom of the league and out of two cups at the first time of asking.

The Old Boys Cup threw up a spicy first-round encounter against old foes Fulham Compton in the throes of Storm Boelo – the week before Halloween, would a muddy scrap in the woods be another scare that would continue the Purps’ nightmare start to the season?

His phone buzzed on the side, the light from the screen flashing up menacingly.

NEW WHATSAPP MESSAGE – Purple Leaders

Matt Burns-Peake

He grabbed the phone, his face backlit by the open screen. He breathed heavily for a few moments, and then swore… Leaning forward until his head hit the mirror.

“Sorry lads, I’ve got the flu and feel awful, so don’t think I can make the game today. Have spoken to Harry about who we can pull up from the 2s.”

A game-day cry-off from co-captain MBP was not only heavily fined, but also left the Purps short in midfield.

However, from his sickbed, Matt worked his administrative magic to call up Adam from the 2s, who were helpfully playing nearby…

[FLASH-FORWARD – 1 HOUR BEFORE KO]

As the meet time loomed, some unusual rituals were in play – namely Kimber’s confusing refusal to make the 10 minute walk to the changing rooms given the pitch was next to Barnes train station.

A number of reasons were rumoured – did he need time to visualise the game ahead? Would he shadow play his opening touches on the ball before the team arrived? Or was he determined to undertake a pitch inspection of the bog in the woods? All was soon revealed however, when Ralph turned up on the touchline in full kit – giving Kimber a solid 20 minutes with him alone, prior to the rest of the team arriving.

Storm Boelo had tried in all its might to call the game off, but the pitch was surprisingly firm underfoot as the Tiffs warmed up. There was even a tent placed behind one of the goals, with rumours circling that it may be ex-Tiffs bagsman Tom Scott inside, with Gledhill having kicked him out of his flat weeks before to move in his girlfriend and her sister (a sensible move, in hindsight).

The pre-game team talk was concise and simple – win the physical battle, and the Purps would inevitably have the quality to see off our old rivals.

As kick-off approached, the skipper handed over a soggy teamsheet to an old, carpet shop friend, and strode up for the coin toss, confidently exclaiming “tails never fails”.

It was heads, and despite the oppo electing to kick off, Kimber elected that mind games was the best course of action – electing to unnecessarily swap ends, causing confusion in the ranks.

It worked.

For the opening 10 minutes the Purps swarmed over Fulham Compton, pressing high and snapping into tackles all over the park. The midfield triumvirate of Gledhill, Jack Davidson and Ralph were dominating the exchanges on the ground, with a restored back three of Harrison-Kimber-Parkes marshalling the sizeable Compton forward line with confidence.

The first chance of the game fell to starboy Talman, when a mistake by a Fulham defender created a loose ball that dribbled through to the midfielder – an unfortunate bobble meant he sent the ball narrowly over the bar.

A fortunate escape for Compton, but would their luck continue?

Minutes later, following some neat interplay from Jack D and Gledhill in midfield, Ralph lofted a superb switch over to the left hand side.

Flying fullback Luis “he’s-Spanish-and-definitely-not-German” Bullinger steamed onto the pass and raced towards goal, smashing home a superb strike at the near post to give Tiffs the lead.

The windy suburban air rang with roars of Purple delight – the Tiffs were well on top, but would their good work continue?

Shortly afterwards, following good work from Louis and Jonny, Tiffs were awarded a corner – Talman stepped up and whipped a superb corner in towards the near post. Jonny lost his marker, flicked the ball on, and found Sammarco steaming in at the back post to bundle home.

2-0 to the Purps, and Compton were crumbling – shortly afterwards, following another superb crossfield ball from Talman, that man Luis (pron. Loo-eeth) once again raced clear… only to pass narrowly wide with the ‘keeper beaten.

The final 15 minutes saw Compton apply their first meaningful bit of pressure, but the Tiffs saw out the remainder of the half with some superb set piece defending, and some excellent crunching tackles from Parkes and Harrison to name a few.

Adam, who’d joined the fray along with Michael B-P, settled perfectly into his role in the middle of the park – winning the ball high up the field and pinging the ball around the park comfortably with Jack D, who had been running the game from the base of midfield.

The half-time whistle blew, and the message from the skipper at the break was simple – the men in Purple had done everything he’d asked before pre-game; continue to do so, and the Purps would be out of sight.

Compton came flying out of the traps, attempting to add some impetus and get themselves back into the game. Yet despite the conditions and rapidly deteriorating pitch, the Purple-and-whites confidently popped the ball around their press, with Jack D in particular doing some excellent work on the ball in tight areas.

Despite a few close offside decisions, mostly led by Sammarco who had been thrown into the forward line following a string of half-time changes, the Tiffs maintained control of the tie and looked the more likely to score.

Following good work again from that man Davidson, he released the newly introduced Carey on the right flank. With his girlfriend (so she genuinely is real?) watching on from the sidelines, Ben drove down the right and flashed in an inch-perfect cross…

Crashing into the box was that man Talman, who slotted home to give the Tiffs a 3-goal advantage. The fish were returning to the oceans, and nature was healing – Tiffs were in sight of their first win of the season.

The Purps had learned from their challenging start to the season, and game management saw them not only absorb pressure, but launch further dangerous counter attacks – with some more clinical finishing the Tiffs would have been well and truly out of sight.

Before being substituted, Talman added his second of the day following a mix up in the box to give the scoreline a more fair feeling – 4-0, and their season was well and truly back on track.

Spirits were high on the touchline – with the referee even giving some post-game compliments for how we’d played such excellent football in dreadful conditions. Said spirits continued into the showers and clubhouse, and couldn’t even be dampened by a 15-minute fire alarm.

[FLASH FORWARD – LATER THAT EVENING]

Sitting on the sofa and stroking his cat named Ralph, Kimber placed the wine glass down on the side table.

“Lovely drop, that” he mumbled to himself. That was probably enough for the evening – it was his fourth glass of a Portuguese red called ‘Lindo Alan’.

He closed his eyes and sighed, the sweet release of sleep finally closing in…

Four goals, a clean sheet, and a chance give the ex-skipper a new nickname of Will “The Problem” Forsyth…

Does it get any better?

 

POTM – Ralph (awarded for his first shower of the season)
Overheard on the touchline – Ben Carey’s Dad saying “he definitely didn’t mean that” after his assist