The 14th February it may have been. But surely no loving partner could begrudge their Tiffs other half the joy of spending this special Saturday embarking on a romantic stroll through the Barnes Common woods to face long-standing bogey team Fulham Compton 2s?

Lashing rain in the preceding days had put the fixture in serious doubt, but Cupid stepped in, casting glorious sun onto this corner of South-West London and making the match go ahead.

Multiple regulars were absent for the visitors, but this meant opportunities for faces both old and new to step in and shine. Bruno returned after many years playing in other (definitely lower) divisions, while Farhan and Jabs had the honour of adorning the famous purple and white for the first time, giving the interim captain MBP an excellent 14 to work with.

This was an oppo that Tiffs hadn’t beaten since at least the years BC (Before Covid), the Purps often finding themselves on the wrong end of narrow, demoralising defeats. But today they were determined to buck the trend.

Haunted by memories of first minute own-goals on this pitch, the visitors knew the importance of a strong start and that’s what they delivered. As the usual tight, physical encounter began to unfold, the away side looked to get the ball down and exploit the space out wide.

They were soon rewarded. After a rapid cross-field ball opened up some space for good work down the right, Joe Sammarco, showing no signs of saving himself for his hot date with a 10k run the next morning, found Joe Jordan free inside the box. The Tiffs bagsman then did we what he does best, slotting the visitors ahead. Rumours that this particular combination was the inspiration behind the naming of the captain’s recent firstborn (shout out future Purp Joe Forsyth!) have yet to be confirmed by the family.

Buoyed by the goal, Tiffs started to control the game and set about extending their advantage. The ball was won in midfield, knocked out to JJ11 on the left and his precise throughy sent Bruno clear. He twisted, turned, then… hit the deck, hauled to the ground by a recovering defender. A penalty was duly awarded and despite cries of “DOGSO” from some onrushing Purps, that was the extent of the punishment.

JJ11 took the ball under his arm, confident that he would double the lead. He stepped up, sent it high to the right and struck… bar… then post… but not net, despite the taker’s protestations that the ball had at some point impossibly crossed the line. Determined not to let this shift the momentum, the customary calls for “heads up!” rang through the Tiffs ranks. To no avail.

Penned back as they had been for much of the first half, the home side sent a long ball forward into the Tiffs back line. This forced a sliced clearance, which Fulham Compton’s striker pounced onto and, showing impressive speed for a big man, raced clear before slotting past Farhan to level it up. A few minutes later, as the away side were struggling to regroup, a long throw from the home side was flicked on, their attacker found himself goal-side and tucked it away to complete the rapid turnaround.

The half-time whistle sounded and Tiffs retreated to the sidelines contemplating whether the February holiday they were actually observing was that of the Groundhog. Outwardly, though, their mood was defiant, as vice-captain Kimber urged the Purps that if they kept playing as positively as they had been, the tide would turn again.

Within a minute, he was proven correct. Pushing forward from the kick-off, the ball was worked to the left edge of the hosts’ box. JJ11 battled through a couple of challenges and fired it into the danger zone, then reeling away in celebration as their defender turned it into his own net.

The visitors were now sensing a momentum shift of their own. They were dominating the duels all over the pitch and a thunderous header from Jordan in midfield bounced towards the Fulham Compton keeper. Sensing his hesitation, that man again JJ11 snuck after it and threw an outstretched boot at the ball, redirecting it past the onrushing keeper to restore the lead.

Reverse comeback accomplished, the visitors knew they couldn’t rest on their laurels. This time they turned to their set-piece playbook. Jabs drilled an inventive corner along the ground, catching the hosts’ defence off guard, and Amr ghosted in at the back post to smash home.

With a two-goal cushion secured and Fulham Compton heads clearly dropping, the Purps were now fashioning wave after wave of attack and their fifth goal inevitably followed. A loose ball in the home side’s box fell to Ralph, his fierce effort palmed out only as far as Louis, who was on hand to finish his fellow Gen Zer’s dinner.

If it wasn’t for some Tiffs wastefulness in the final third, they would have been out of sight. Instead, the home side rallied and, in a rare attack, managed to keep the ball alive after a couple of shots were blocked, eventually scrambling a goal back. At 5-3 and with 15 minutes to go, the game was momentarily on again.

But it didn’t take long to settle the nerves. Jordan, imperious as ever, played a long-distance one-two with Jack Davidson, the latter lofting it sumptuously in behind for Jordan to curl into the far corner.

The visitors could now see out the rest of proceedings in relative comfort, their mentality here no longer in question. The final whistle blew, the curse had been lifted and Tiffs could finally march straight outta Fulham Compton with three points.

Spirits were understandably high and the visitors left the field to celebrate among their devoted partners who had all travelled in adoring support themselves. After the long, joyous hike back to the clubhouse, there was still time for JJ11 to try and steal Amr’s treasured maiden goal for the club, claiming a touch on the way through for his hat-trick, but he was loudly shot down, the romance of the day upheld.

Basking in the glow of fantastic performances across the board, and with several well-deserved jugs consumed, the purple heroes continued on to their subsequent Valentine’s plans, their tails well and truly up.